Have you ever noticed that life is full of cycles? I am sure everyone has–moon cycles, women being graced with their cycles, life cycles…abuse cycles.
At work, I also teach. It is not in my job description, but it is something I do for ME. I know I have talked about it before, but I go to freshman classes on the campus and talk about emergency management, personal safety and sexual assault. Lately, I have added H1N1 to my topics to talk about, mostly because the university is sitting at about a 10% absenteeism at this point (and flu season in Texas hasn’t technically started–it isn’t supposed to start til January and go through March). I bring this up because people who have gone through a traumatic event such as rape have the tendency to get into a cycle of their own. Some get into a cycle remembering–I know that I go through a point every year for about a month where my nerves are frayed and am plagued with nightmares of my rape around the anniversary, but other times I am ok unless there is a trigger. Then the cycle begins again for a bit. Others get into a cycle of abuse. I am not saying by any means that it is on purpose, it’s just something that happens. Some may end of finding people in their lives who keep them feeling like they did before–with no choices, the bottom of the bottom, not worth the attention of anyone except the one they are with. Those are the ones who are good–really good–at making excuses. Excuses for bruises, for moods, for crying, and especially excuses for their significant other’s behavior. It becomes ingrained, because it is beaten in (verbally and/or physically) that the victim “deserves” what they are getting.
Anyway, every semester I come across 2-4 students that have had something happen to them, and are looking for some sort of support. I am more than happy to help out, especially since I was very fortunate to have support when it happened to me. By telling my story to these students, it raises awareness and also shows those who have been victims that they are not alone. Over 1000 have heard my story, and I don’t plan on stopping. But recently I came across a cycle of someone who is very important to me. She is married, and he is verbally abusive. She has always made excuses for his behavior, and finally she realized what she was doing. There’s usually a breaking point, and I believe she finally hit hers. I am happy that she figured it out, and happier yet that she is going to leave him. It isn’t happening now, but she has planning to do. Considering he is in the “nice” and “apologetic” phase of the cycle, she is pretty confident that for now there is nothing to worry about–and he has never hit her, so that is also a good thing. However, if there were to be a turn and he goes back to being mean and cruel, she is prepared to leave. I know how hard it is, and I am so proud of her. 🙂
Another cycle–life. A very close friend of mine, Sam, and his wife are expecting a baby boy in December. Wonderful news for them, and he is so excited! 🙂 I am thrilled for them. Being a first time father, Sam is nervous and excited. I have been working since this summer on a blanket for them, another pinwheel, but all I have left is the edging–it is so repetitive, I can’t do it for long stretches of time. 360 rows of garter stitch…ug. The blanket is beautiful and soft, and I REALLY need to get it done. December is not that far away!!!
As for my cycle–I know I have been talking about getting pregnant for months, and all the trials and bumps that I have been going through. The cyst in August led to the diagnosis of PCOS in September, and this month ruptured two more. I have pretty much come to the conclusion that I am just going to not be a mom in the biological sense. It is sad, and I wish differently, but there isn’t much for me to do otherwise. Maybe sometime down the road when IVF becomes affordable. 🙂 I am not going to let it get me down, tho. If it is meant to happen, it will. But I am stopping the fertility drugs–I don’t know if that is what is causing the cysts to rupture. Besides, the hot flashes are terrible on those meds!!
I do want to get back into the cycle of my loom knitting. I have some awesome new looms I got for my birthday that I need to work on–I want to have a blanket knitted for my cousin when she marries in January, but I don’t know if I am going to get that done. In my defense, I have started it. Afghans are just so BIG, and I don’t have the time to just sit and knit. I need to make the time, as I am sure that it will do wonders for relaxation and destressing a bit. 🙂 The past few weeks have been pretty stressful, and I need a break.
DH has been feeling bad for quite some time, getting hospitalized in the beginning of Sept. He thought it was a heart attack (his best friend of 36 years had just died of one at age 39), but it turned out to be gallstones. He postponed the surgery up until last week–the pain had been getting worse with the progression of time. Sure enough, it was really bad, but he got through the surgery just fine last Thursday. He’s off until next Monday, but will go back to work with limited duties. He was going to have the surgery that Monday (10/19), but I was not going to be able to make it since I had a job interview….
Yep, another job interview. No, it wasn’t because I was unhappy with my current job. Actually Chief was the one who sent me the notice for the job opening (it is still a university job). I was reluctant to apply for several reasons–I love working for the PD (not to metion, I wanted to work for them for 10 years before I got hired), I love working with my partner (slash best friend), and I love what I do. No, it isn’t the highest paying job, but I do love it. The new job, however, is my job plus…I would be travelling to other universities and teaching them how to do what I do. I would also have a new partner, also from law enforcement. It is three to four times what I am making now, 50%+ overnight travel, and all about higher education emergency management. I talked to DH first to see what he thought, and he said it would be extremely stupid to pass up this opportunity. Then, I reluctantly brought it up to Robert. I was scared of his reaction, but he took it well–and wrote a letter of recommendation. Chief also wrote one, as did the county emergency management coordinator and the vice president of my division. I applied. And on the 9th, I got a phone call to schedule my interview. I was SO excited!! I was getting my hair cut, so it wasn’t an opportune time to bounce around, but inside I was doing a happy dance. I had 10 days to prepare.
You see, I had to do a 5-7 minute powerpoint presentation in front of the hiring board. THAT had me scared. I knew the people over in the department I was applying at, and some are quite intimidating. So those 10 days I worked and researched and put together what I thought was a really good presentation (it could be over either public safety or higher education emergency management–I chose EM). I went to the interview, and prepared for it by making packets for the board (usually 5-7 people) containing my FEMA and other EM certificates, copies of my letters of recommendation, copy of my resume and cover letter, and a copy of my powerpoint presentation so they could take notes. I thought it was reasonable. So I was pretty surprised when there were only three people on the board, two of which I knew and have worked with many times in the past two years. After doing some catching up, I passed out the packets and got ready for the questions. However, only two minutes into the questions, the power went out. A very loud beeping came from the exit signs, which seriously threw me off for a few minutes. We did continue the interview in the dark (mostly, had some light from a window), and I think I did pretty good for the questions. Then it was time for my presentation, but we still had no power. Kinda hard to do a computer presentation when there is no power. 🙂 They were going to cut the interview short and have my come back later when there was power, but I remembered that I had printed out the presentation and could do it from my handouts. They were very impressed, as it showed that I was more than prepared for anything that could happen. I did my presentation, did it in the time allowed, but still had some disappointment since I wasn’t able to show off my presentation. I did end up emailing it to one of the board, so eventually they did see it. As for now, I am in a holding position. I don’t know anything at this point, but I do know they submitted the name on Monday. It’s in committee. HOPING to know by Friday. They want this position–and the partner position–to begin on November 15. Crossing my fingers!!!
Ok…guess I have rambled long enough…happy almost Thursday, everyone!!