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In all the chaos of the things that has happened this year, I have forgotten the post that was most popular from last year–the DWI staging that is put on by the UPD.  Granted it is a bit strange to post it after my last announcement, but I do feel strongly about drunk driving and alcoholism.  This is a very important tool of awareness that the UPD does for the university, all the while getting to work alongside the other first responders in the community.  It is sad that this was my last year to do it–or maybe they will let me continue even though I am no longer working for the PD.

Again this year, I was the person who was “killed” in the drunk driving staged accident.  The story behind the accident this time was I was driving my boyfriend and I back to our apartment/house/box and we were hit head on by a drunk driver.  My boyfriend is injured and has to be taken in the ambulance, I am dead, and the drunk driver is just a bit banged up.  The other difference is that this time it was my “dad” that came to the scene of the accident, not my “mom”.  He did an AMAZING job, too.  Oh, and instead of just covering me with a sheet to load me into the hearse, I was put into a white body bag.  This was something I was unaware of when it happened.  And with all the fake blood on me, it actually bled thru most everything.  In case anyone is wondering which one I am–I am the one with the most “blood” wearing a grey sweatshirt and a red vest.

This year, however, it was still cold at the beginning of March, and of course it rained the night before the staging–and of course my vehicle has no windows or windshield so I was sitting in a soaked seat (freezing, too).  No one had remembered to cover the vehicles.  Now this is also a training for our PD, the city PD, the FD, and EMS, so there are elements in it for us to work on so that our operations that we have to coordinate on together go smoothly.  Usually we are allowed to use the jaws of life on the vehicle to remove the “dead” person, but this year, the vehicle was needed for other parts and we were only allowed to pop the door. 

Either way, the message was still there, and it is one that I am a firm believer in–don’t drink and drive.  Here are the pictures from this year:

So stay safe, don’t drink and drive.  Find a designated driver!

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Ok, so I was planning on keeping life in general seperate from this blog and put it on another–turns out I am busy, and trying to manage three blogs is not too easy.  I only have the third one set up…haven’t even written for it yet!

Lots of life changes have been happening here.  It has been one thing after another–it seems that I am trying to cram all the things that are supposed to happen over the course of about 10 years into about a month and a half.  🙂  Seems like I am joking, but really, very serious.  So I’ll try to start at the somewhat beginning.

I had a lousy marriage before.  I tried my hardest to make it work, tried to pretend it was all wonderful and would eventually work itself out.  Everyone said the first year is always the hardest, but four years…it was a bit much, and only getting worse.  Last December, as posted before, I left and divorced him.  It did break my heart because I would (and do) miss my stepsons, despite the problems that we had.  My ex actually was quite understanding on why I left, and we did end up going through the divorce as easily as could be expected.  We agreed that we would be fine with the other dating before the divorce was finalized, which is where the next big step happened.

I had moved in with my grandfather to help take care of him.  Over the Christmas break (work at the university meant we had two weeks off), I was up late watching TV often.  One night I saw the eHarmony commercial, and normally would roll my eyes, but this time I thought about it and signed up for three months.  Two weeks later, I met my hubby-to-be.  Dan and I went thru the whole eHarmony process, then we emailed, talked all night on the phone many nights, and then met–already in love. 

Everyone who met him and saw us together knew we were meant to be.  We moved in together at the end of Feb, and started planning out our future.  We decided to get married in May, after my college graduation–yet another huge accomplishment that happened.  On May 6, his parents came in from Colorado to take care of the dogs while we went on a weekend getaway from May 7-9th.  It was wonderful–a beautiful bed and breakfast, a helicopter ride, and him proposing to me.  😀  It was perfect!

May 14th I graduated from college with my BAAS in Psychology, Sociology, and Social Work.  Backing up a little…I had left my job at the UPD at the beginning of March when I had to choose between my job and school.  Obviously school won out–I was in my internship, which also happened to be at the UPD.  It was a bit, uh, strange, but I got through it.  I was happy and scared–I had been in school for 13 years, and now I didn’t know what to do.  After talking about it, we decided I would start my own business consulting others on sexual assault, domestic violence, and child abuse, plus a few other topics that are related. 

Then it was time for the wedding…five days after my graduation.  It was awesome…we got married in a cave with only 16 people there, including us and the JP.  We decided to take the tour as well, so we did the educational thing on the way to the back of the cave, stopped, got married, then came back out of the cave.  After we all had dinner at a restaurant, new hubby and I took a mini-honeymoon for three days about 2 hours away from us, and then came back. 

When we returned home, I found out that my grandfather passed away the morning after the wedding.  It was upsetting, but he was not happy and was not leading any quality of life.  I didn’t go to the funeral; I can’t handle them, and with all the things that had been happening in the weeks before, I was on an emotional rollercoaster.  The thought of going through even more was not something that I thought that I could handle.   I pushed on with starting my consulting business, and was very thrilled that I retained my first client within the first week!!  I worked on the project for that client, and then hubby and I were off again to visit friends in Dallas–the weekend of June 11-13.  We had a lot of fun, but I was always tired, feeling up then down, then tired or energetic.  It was when we got home that Sunday that we started thinking, then running out the door to Walgreens…

For those who have read my blog before, they know what a rollercoaster I went through with my ex.  So many can understand just how excited I was when I took the six pregnancy tests and saw them all pop up PREGNANT!!  I wasn’t supposed to be able to conceive without the assistance of drugs and IVF, so this was the most amazing surprise!  We had already been looking at adoption since we had gotten married, both of us accepting that we would most likely not have a child of our own.  I am thrilled, he is thrilled, and our life has been turned upside down–or at least mine.  Why?  Because it was over the vacation that we left for to visit Colorado–the 18th thru the 26th–I really began to show.  I packed for the trip a day before we left, and even tho I had put on a little over 10 lbs since we conceived, all my clothes fit (I thought).  My weight has always fluctuated in a 10 lb range.  However, this time things are different…I am going straight out, not equal at all angles.  So we had to go to get some clothes for me to wear a few days into the trip since nothing fit anymore.  Then, like most pregnant women, there are the wonderful mood swings–my tolerance for people picking on me has gotten to be extremely short.  This was a key factor in my mother and I not getting along for a lot of the trip, as well as since I have been home. 

I understand that our families are happy for us, but at the same time, they haven’t been through what I have been through.  I have had to explain that it isn’t her right to tell everyone everything–it is still early, first of all, and second, there are certian people in her life that I don’t want knowing.  Mainly her best friend–her eldest daughter (my former childhood best friend) is pregnant as well, and they tend to put us in competition or comparison.  I deal with that in my family, I don’t need to hear everything about another one or “compete” with another person on who has it harder.  I am too old for that!  Now, my mother’s best friend’s youngest daughter has taken it upon herself to email everything to my ex–including pictures–thanks to Facebook (she is now blocked, didn’t think that I had to keep these things from her) and my mom, too.  Ok, that huge gripe done, that has been the biggest issue with life and pregnancy.   Now that it has mostly been dealt with, all is much better.  🙂

Of course, since we found out we are pregnant, my first thought was I wnat to know what the baby’s gender is…I need to knit!!  I started knitting a generic colored blanket, but it isn’t as satisfying as knitting something in particular.  I also want to do a pair of Bethany’s booties (and BTW–“Bethenny” is a front runner for a girl’s name!!)…just want to know if it is a boy or girl!!  My mom is also going to cross-stitch something, but again, I want to wait to see what we are expecting.  We have see pictures, tho–we  saw our little “peanut” on Wednesday!  It was stunning…the little heartbeat…it still make me want to cry.  So here is “Peanut” in his/her first picture!! (we are betting–I am guessing a boy at this point!)

Oh–I am 8 weeks along, and due on Febuary 9!

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With me resigning from the PD to focus on my schoolwork (would like to say it was my idea, but I was given a choice of which was more important to me–funny, as I go to the university I worked for), I have had something called “free time,” something I haven’t had in a long time.  But that is jumping ahead a bit…

So backing up a few months–I am divorced, and we are ok friends.  Things for me have changed, and changed quite drastically.  The “free time” I spoke of before has been quite a blessing, not only allowing for me to work on my internship (ironically at the PD I quit from) but also time for me to reflect on my life.  Signing up on eHarmony turned out to be the best decision I have made, matching me to a man I dearly love.  Yes, many have doubted that I can love so quickly and move too fast with someone I met on the internet.  Normally I would agree on that stance, but seeing as it has happened to me, I am quite a bit more open-minded on the topic.

Dan is amazing, and a perfect compliment to me.  I couldn’t have made a better choice.  My attitude has changed, and I am a much happier me.  His parents welcomed me with open arms (over the phone and on email, as they live in a different state), already considering me their daughter.  I introduced Dan to my parents, and they adore him, too–also telling both of us the amazing change in my attitude.  I moved in with him at the end of February, and my Grandpa went to a nursing home–he had another stroke and I couldn’t stay with him all the time or pick him up when he falls, which is quite often.  Shortly after, Dan gave me a beautiful promise ring, and this last Sunday had the talk with my dad.  My dad has been the biggest doubter of this entire relationship, the one that has been the loudest on us going too quickly.  So I was quite surprised when he said yes.  He is actually very happy and thrilled that I made a good decision–apparantly a lot of the “talk” was about all the terrible decisions that I have made throughout my life.  Makes me feel really good, but what can I do…those are his opinions, but I call those decisions “learning experiences”.  Anyway, not too long after I moved in, I waws backed into the corner at work to make the decision between work and school–work believed that they should be first in my life, and school being second.  At that point, I was only three months from graduation, so there was no way I was going to toss away $1800 just so I could keep a job that I was beginning to like less and less because they were changing my duties.  I am fortunate to be able to be at home and focus on my studies, and also begin thinking about what I want out of life. 

So back to the “free time” agian.  With this time, I have had two major…things…that I want to do.  First, I have eight patterns that are floating around in my head.  I am currently test knitting one of them, and I have one written out.  So hopefully I will be able to finish the test knit and write out the pattern–pretty basic, but it is coming out really cute.  🙂  During breaks and watching movies or TV,  I have been working on my patterns and test knits–Dan is going to build me a website soon, too, so I can put them on the web.  I am SO excited about this!  I have wanted to be able to write out patterns for quite some time, but have never had the chance–now I do, and I intend to take advantage of it!  And I can’t wait to share them with everyone!!

The second thing that I came up with just thinking about life is that I now know what I want to do as far as a career is concerned.  I thought for sure before I wanted to be in emergency management/police administration, but now that I have had time away and have been working on my internship project, I realized that the one thing I miss the most from working at the police department–doing the lectures in the freshman classes on safety and sexual assault on campus.  I was able to teach, warn and help students, and it was the most satisfying aspect of my job that I had.  After mulling it over, I realized I could still do that, but in a different capacity.  I know now that after I graduate, I am going to become an independent consultant.  I already have the ball rolling, as my internship project will definitely be a major portion of it.  I have tons more ideas of how to make it work and what I will do, and my future father in law and Dan both are behind me 100%, my FIL actually helping guide me in the right direction (he was an independent consultant at one time).  I can’t wait to get started on all of this!!  Things are really looking great. 🙂

Last, I wanted to say that I have started a new blog.  It is just basically somewhere I write about everyday stuff.  It would be great for everyone to check it out as well, and I do hope that it takes off.  🙂  This one I am going to go back to gearing it towards knitting, as I had originally intended.  Surprisingly, Dan has also picked up loom knitting, and we are both working on the charity project I had set at the beginning of the year–to make 100 baby hats–and we have decided to donate them to the children’s hospital in town.  A very close friend of mine works there as a nutritionist, and she has given me the contact there (and is also helping with my recent diagnosis of being diabetic–which she was shocked about since I am only 105lbs and 5’3, not exactly fitting the typical profile).  It is wonderful to have someone that is interested in doing the same things that you do, ya know?

Good night for now–going to get some rest for tomorrow!!

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Here it is, January 2010!!  I think I might have gotten an hour’s worth of sleep on New Year’s Eve…not because I was out partying with people, but because (1) poor Izzy couldn’t get comfortable with her foot injury, (2) my back injury and (3) my neighbors had a party from 5pm to 6am.  I know that they are older than me by some years, but even I can’t party for 12 hours straight, or even have company for that long!! 

The new year brings a lot for me.  It will be the year that I become single again.  The year that I graduate from college.  The year I become a certified sexual assault advocate.  There is a lot that I am expecting of this year, and I really hope that it does turn out great.  I am making an effort to be a lot more positive, and being a lot less of a procrastinator. 

I have made a lot of adjustments the past few weeks since leaving my ex.  Living in the new house has been pretty good, and my grandfather and I are getting along pretty well.  The pups are now comfortable with him, and I am so relieved by that!  Izzy is finally feeling better since she broke off her nail, and walking normal.  I have had two appointments with my massage therapist, and feeling a little better.  When Izzy injured herself, she didn’t like me trying to look at her foot, and then ended up hurting me.  My hips were hurt when she threw herself back, and ended up losing 30% of my rotation.  It’s going to be ok, just need to work on them.  The only other issue that I am having is the lack of space for me at the house.  I am doing what I can with the space allotted, but I am having to get seriously creative with storage.  I still have many boxes to go through, but no space to put things away.  I wish I did, but just not possible.  Will see what I can do…I am trying to figure a plan, but think I have one formualting…

My cousin, Hilary, got married to her boyfriend of 7 years on the 10th.  I wasn’t sure that I was going to have a good time, but I was surprised that I actually had a lot of fun.  🙂  She was absolutely stunning, glowing, happy…all the things that a bride should be.  There were things that went wrong, of course, but she took them all in stride and laughed at it.  It made things just that much better.  I managed to avoid the usual statement that I make when I see her…”I remember when I changed your diapers, you were so cute…”  But I did say it to my aunt.  HAD to get it out.  LOL!  Anyway, here are some pictures…

The day after the wedding, I woke to disaster.  I thought that I had had a good hold on my emotions, but I was proven wrong.  It started with the fact I only got an hour of sleep after returning from the wedding–I let my “date” (close friend of mine) have my bed and I slept on the couch.  G’pa was up by 6:30a, and I had just managed to fall asleep on the couch.  Since I was up and moving, I decided to go ahead and do a load of laundry.  Apparantly, that was the last straw for the sewer line–it collapsed, and flooded the driveway clean out and both of the bathrooms.  G’pa was very upset, and that was the straw that broke my emotional dam–I stepped outside, called my ex, and sobbed.  Got it under control, and then my parents showed up to try to fix it–and again, I broke down sobbing.  After taking some meds, I calmed down and slept for about an hour.  I was able to better deal with the situations.  They told us it would be fixed by Thursday (today), but now since it is raining it will not be fixed until Saturday or Monday.  I never realized just how much I rely on a sewer line until this happened and everything I need to do relies on it–showers, laundry, dishes, bathroom–it sucks.  And I have to stay there to make sure things are going ok, sign stuff, and answer questions.  Just glad that there are stores nearby and another set of grandparents that are only about 5 miles away.  *sigh*  It is a trial, but I can manage. 

Other than that, just been pouring through case files to try and show the need for a sexual assault advocacy program.  I have joined a SART in Williamson country, and will be doing the same in Hays.  I am very exicted about the program, and going to be working on computerizing my findings as I go.  I have been pretty much putting off all else around the house and in my life to do my research–still need to write out letters to friends about moving, make a few more presents thru knitting, and a few other things.  Like dating.  I am seriously considering it, and actually signed up for an online dating service.  Never done it before, and we will see how it goes. 🙂

Happy New Year to everyone!!!

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Well, last Friday was the big day.  Everyone got to the house right before 7am.  Mom brought donuts and I made coffee.  I was surprised that we had two people that were not expected to help show up, but it was a huge help to have them.  I was so thankful and grateful to have everyone there–a total of 9 of us–to get me packed and moved out.  I wasn’t able to pack anything before hand, so it was just starting from scratch.  We managed to do it in about four and a half hours, which was really surprising to me.  We had to get a larger storage unit, but it worked out.  The downside–where I am now, there is not a lot of space for me yet.  There will be in February when I will begin living alone here (about mid month unless they complete the room faster), but for now, I am pretty cramped.  Which means I had to leave a lot in storage–including the majority of my yarn and looms.  I did keep some out to help with the stress and to finish some of the projects I need to get done.  It is still a huge adjustment, and the dogs are finally beginning to feel a bit more at home.  I know that it is going to take me longer, but thankfully I am on vacation til the first week of January.  I really don’t think I could have done this while I was in school and at work.  It has been an emotional rollercoaster, one that I really want to end.   He hasn’t made it easy by any means, and I guess it is partly my fault since I keep answering his texts.  Eventually–soon–I am going to have to draw the line and tell him to stop. or just stop answering. 

The hardest part has been the boys.  I have had my troubles with my oldest stepson, but it doesn’t mean I don’t love him.  I miss him dearly.  My youngest–well, he doesn’t know yet.  The ex has just told him that I am away for work.  My oldest thinks it is his fault, and I told the ex it is HIS job to reassure him and not let him think that way.  He said he did…and then promptly sent them to their grandmother’s house (his ex’s mother) since I wasn’t going to be there to babysit for the week (he isn’t off til Thursday afternoon).  So far, so good–he hasn’t had them call me.  That I don’t think I could handle.

More things have happened since I left, particuarly on Wednesday.  It isn’t going to be nice anymore–I thought that this could be civil.  Due to the events, I am not going to write too much about them, but it boils down to him about to get into a lot of trouble if he doesn’t stop bothering me and saying things he won’t be able to back up.

However, there have been some wonderful people in the last almost week that have helped immensely with my transition, along with the dogs.  They are happy in the new yard–Izzy discovered her first squirrel, and just wants to play, but the squirrel just threw sticks and stuff at her.  I have never seen my 60lb dog stand on her back legs and walk, but she was so funny when she did it.  🙂  I have found that she is scared of elderly people and doesn’t like one of my uncles.  Trooper is doing better, and actually warming up to people faster than Izzy is–Izzy is usually the really friendly one and has no problem with anyone.  I guess it is just the change.  Hopefully soon things will be back to somewhat normal, and life can go on .

Although limited in my supplies, I did manage to rescue a few of my looming projects from before it was all stored.  I finished a scarf yesterday, and will be working on another today–late Christmas presents.  After I get batteries (and yes, I am thinking about braving the grocery store on Christmas Eve) I will take pictures so I can post.  It is an extremely basic scarf, same and the one I am knitting now, so nothing too major.  The “major” project is working on a bandage, but I keep getting frustrated with the small stitches.  I keep telling myself I need to do it, as it is for charity.  New charity for the new year.

Happy holidays everyone, and hope that you have a wonderful and merry time with your loved ones.  🙂

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The dreaded D

Yep, I have been out of touch for awhile.  There has been a lot on my plate to deal with, and I haven’t been dealing with it very well.  Down 20 pounds, and really can’t afford to lose the weight (down to 100), plus the addition of two anxiety meds as well as my pain meds being increased.  But  there is some good news to go along with all of this.  Seeing as most people ask for bad news first, we’ll start there.

As most know, I have been married for almost four years.  I am wife number three.  I have two stepsons, the oldest I have been around since he was five and the youngest since he was 8 months old.  I tried to be the best stepmom ever, trying harder to make a stable environment with structure and love.  For my youngest, it was easy, as he didn’t know any different from having two moms and a dad.  For my oldest, it was harder–he knew what it was like when his parents were married, and now there was someone new that he had to treat like a mom.  It has gone ok, but there have been problems.  Mostly the problems come from my marriage, though.

My husband is not a nice person.  For years I have blamed his father for that; he is a horrible man that is very verbally abusive.  My husband has always said he does not want to be like his father, but sadly he is just like him.  He has no patience, a very volitile temper, and is miserable–never happy unless everyone around him is miserable, too.  It has gotten worse as the years have gone by, and I have finally reached my breaking point.  I teach the cycle of abuse, as mentioned in my last post.  Just like almost every other victim, I made excuses all the time for his behavior, always saying he will change, saying that he is sorry after he treats me so badly and does all he can to make it up.  Towards the middle of October, that changed.  He said things that I won’t forget, and won’t make excuses for.  Things like he hates me, doesn’t like me, isn’t attracted to me, that I am a waste of space, the most cruel person he knows, a bitch, etc.  I realized then that when he goes on rants like that, I cry and beg for another chance, saying I will be better.  It took me a few years, but I realize now that it isn’t me.  I will say there is a small part–very small–that is me and my personality, but not enough to trigger this amount of extreme hatred.  After looking at this from a perspective of someone investigating a domestic abuse situation rather than from the first person point of view, several things popped out.  His past with his dysfunctional family.  The fact he had two previous wives.  The switching of personality, from happy and nice hubby to the mean and cruel man.  I can say from a psychological point of view that he has a high probability of being bipolar and hates women.  But like most abusers (not all, but most), no one thinks he is capable of being what I say he is.  They see him as a laid back, super nice guy that would go out of his way to help someone.  To someone’s face, he is that. But as soon as the person is out of earshot, he will tear them apart. 

To make a long story shorter (because this post is already long, and only going to get longer), I finally told my parents what was going on, something he thinks I would never do (my parents are not fond of divorce–but they love me, and always support my decisions).  Both agreed that I need to get a divorce.  That’s when things really got rolling.  It was going to wait until January, but got pushed up because he made a threat.  All the paperwork is now done, and just waiting to give it to him.  I don’t want any more conflict; I just want (and need) out. He still doesn’t know, and won’t know until the day it happens.  *sigh*  This all happens tomorrow.  I am stressed and scared, but thankful that my friends and family have been so supportive.  I don’t know what I would have done without them.  Thank you to all who have listened–I really appreciate it.  🙂

Ok, on to the good news.  My friend Sam and his wife had their baby last week!  I finally had finished the blanket for them and it made it there in time.  🙂  It was the color of the nursery–something I hadn’t planned–so that was good luck, too!!  Sam posted some pictures, and I was so thrilled to see baby Jack wrapped in the blanket I made at the hospital! 

Baby Jack's blanket--finally finished!!

I was honored that they brought it with them, and so happy that it has found such a loving home. 

Over the past year and two months, my department has been planning a conference for the Texas Association of College and University Police Administrators (TACUPA).  At first, I didn’t understand why on earth we were starting the planning so early.  By the time that the conference rolled around, I completely understood.  No matter how much we planned, there were still things that went wrong.  We were able to keep most of it hidden, and we were all proud of that.  But I will write another post about the conference…under the emergency management tab.  🙂  Hopefully I can get that done today, too!!

Until later, hope everyone has a happy holidays!!  Thank you to everyone who has been there for me, and continues to be there for me.  I am very blessed to have such wonderful friends. One more day…and hopefully things go smoothly.  Wish me luck.  🙂

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Have you ever noticed that life is full of cycles?  I am sure everyone has–moon cycles, women being graced with their cycles, life cycles…abuse cycles.

At work, I also teach.  It is not in my job description, but it is something I do for ME.  I know I have talked about it before, but I go to freshman classes on the campus and talk about emergency management, personal safety and sexual assault.  Lately, I have added H1N1 to my topics to talk about, mostly because the university is sitting at about a 10% absenteeism at this point (and flu season in Texas hasn’t technically started–it isn’t supposed to start til January and go through March).  I bring this up because people who have gone through a traumatic event such as rape have the tendency to get into a cycle of their own.  Some get into a cycle remembering–I know that I go through a point every year for about a month where my nerves are frayed and am plagued with nightmares of my rape around the anniversary, but other times I am ok unless there is a trigger.  Then the cycle begins again for a bit.  Others get into a cycle of abuse.  I am not saying by any means that it is on purpose, it’s just something that happens.  Some may end of finding people in their lives who keep them feeling like they did before–with no choices, the bottom of the bottom, not worth the attention of anyone except the one they are with.  Those are the ones who are good–really good–at making excuses.  Excuses for bruises, for moods, for crying, and especially excuses for their significant other’s behavior.  It becomes ingrained, because it is beaten in (verbally and/or physically) that the victim “deserves” what they are getting. 

Anyway, every semester I come across 2-4 students that have had something happen to them, and are looking for some sort of support.  I am more than happy to help out, especially since I was very fortunate to have support when it happened to me.  By telling my story to these students, it raises awareness and also shows those who have been victims that they are not alone.  Over 1000 have heard my story, and I don’t plan on stopping.  But recently I came across a cycle of someone who is very important to me.  She is married, and he is verbally abusive.  She has always made excuses for his behavior, and finally she realized what she was doing.  There’s usually a breaking point, and I believe she finally hit hers.  I am happy that she figured it out, and happier yet that she is going to leave him.  It isn’t happening now, but she has planning to do.  Considering he is in the “nice” and “apologetic” phase of the cycle, she is pretty confident that for now there is nothing to worry about–and he has never hit her, so that is also a good thing.  However, if there were to be a turn and he goes back to being mean and cruel, she is prepared to leave.  I know how hard it is, and I am so proud of her.  🙂

Another cycle–life.  A very close friend of mine, Sam, and his wife are expecting a baby boy in December.  Wonderful news for them, and he is so excited!  🙂  I am thrilled for them.  Being a first time father, Sam is nervous and excited.  I have been working since this summer on a blanket for them, another pinwheel, but all I have left is the edging–it is so repetitive, I can’t do it for long stretches of time.  360 rows of garter stitch…ug.  The blanket is beautiful and soft, and I REALLY need to get it done.  December is not that far away!!!

As for my cycle–I know I have been talking about getting pregnant for months, and all the trials and bumps that I have been going through.  The cyst in August led to the diagnosis of PCOS in September, and this month ruptured two more.  I have pretty much come to the conclusion that I am just going to not be a mom in the biological sense.  It is sad, and I wish differently, but there isn’t much for me to do otherwise.  Maybe sometime down the road when IVF becomes affordable.  🙂  I am not going to let it get me down, tho.  If it is meant to happen, it will.  But I am stopping the fertility drugs–I don’t know if that is what is causing the cysts to rupture.  Besides, the hot flashes are terrible on those meds!!

I do want to get back into the cycle of my loom knitting.  I have some awesome new looms I got for my birthday that I need to work on–I want to have a blanket knitted for my cousin when she marries in January, but I don’t know if I am going to get that done.  In my defense, I have started it.  Afghans are just so BIG, and I don’t have the time to just sit and knit.  I need to make the time, as I am sure that it will do wonders for relaxation and destressing a bit.  🙂  The past few weeks have been pretty stressful, and I need a break.

DH has been feeling bad for quite some time, getting hospitalized in the beginning of Sept.  He thought it was a heart attack (his best friend of 36 years had just died of one at age 39), but it turned out to be gallstones.  He postponed the surgery up until last week–the pain had been getting worse with the progression of time.  Sure enough, it was really bad, but he got through the surgery just fine last Thursday.  He’s off until next Monday, but will go back to work with limited duties.  He was going to have the surgery that Monday (10/19), but I was not going to be able to make it since I had a job interview….

Yep, another job interview.  No, it wasn’t because I was unhappy with my current job.  Actually Chief was the one who sent me the notice for the job opening (it is still a university job).  I was reluctant to apply for several reasons–I love working for the PD (not to metion, I wanted to work for them for 10 years before I got hired), I love working with my partner (slash best friend), and I love what I do.  No, it isn’t the highest paying job, but I do love it.  The new job, however, is my job plus…I would be travelling to other universities and teaching them how to do what I do.  I would also have a new partner, also from law enforcement.  It is three to four times what I am making now, 50%+ overnight travel, and all about higher education emergency management.  I talked to DH first to see what he thought, and he said it would be extremely stupid to pass up this opportunity.  Then, I reluctantly brought it up to Robert.  I was scared of his reaction, but he took it well–and wrote a letter of recommendation.  Chief also wrote one, as did the county emergency management coordinator and the vice president of my division.  I applied.  And on the 9th, I got a phone call to schedule my interview.  I was SO excited!!  I was getting my hair cut, so it wasn’t an opportune time to bounce around, but inside I was doing a happy dance.  I had 10 days to prepare.

You see, I had to do a 5-7 minute powerpoint presentation in front of the hiring board.  THAT had me scared.  I knew the people over in the department I was applying at, and some are quite intimidating.  So those 10 days I worked and researched and put together what I thought was a really good presentation (it could be over either public safety or higher education emergency management–I chose EM).  I went to the interview, and prepared for it by making packets for the board (usually 5-7 people) containing my FEMA and other EM certificates, copies of my letters of recommendation, copy of my resume and cover letter, and a copy of my powerpoint presentation so they could take notes.  I thought it was reasonable.  So I was pretty surprised when there were only three people on the board, two of which I knew and have worked with many times in the past two years.  After doing some catching up, I passed out the packets and got ready for the questions.  However, only two minutes into the questions, the power went out.  A very loud beeping came from the exit signs, which seriously threw me off for a few minutes.  We did continue the interview in the dark (mostly, had some light from a window), and I think I did pretty good for the questions.  Then it was time for my presentation, but we still had no power.  Kinda hard to do a computer presentation when there is no power.  🙂  They were going to cut the interview short and have my come back later when there was power, but I remembered that I had printed out the presentation and could do it from my handouts.  They were very impressed, as it showed that I was more than prepared for anything that could happen.  I did my presentation, did it in the time allowed, but still had some disappointment since I wasn’t able to show off my presentation.  I did end up emailing it to one of the board, so eventually they did see it.  As for now, I am in a holding position.  I don’t know anything at this point, but I do know they submitted the name on Monday.  It’s in committee.  HOPING to know by Friday.  They want this position–and the partner position–to begin on November 15.  Crossing my fingers!!! 

Ok…guess I have rambled long enough…happy almost Thursday, everyone!!

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