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Posts Tagged ‘family’

Here it is, January 2010!!  I think I might have gotten an hour’s worth of sleep on New Year’s Eve…not because I was out partying with people, but because (1) poor Izzy couldn’t get comfortable with her foot injury, (2) my back injury and (3) my neighbors had a party from 5pm to 6am.  I know that they are older than me by some years, but even I can’t party for 12 hours straight, or even have company for that long!! 

The new year brings a lot for me.  It will be the year that I become single again.  The year that I graduate from college.  The year I become a certified sexual assault advocate.  There is a lot that I am expecting of this year, and I really hope that it does turn out great.  I am making an effort to be a lot more positive, and being a lot less of a procrastinator. 

I have made a lot of adjustments the past few weeks since leaving my ex.  Living in the new house has been pretty good, and my grandfather and I are getting along pretty well.  The pups are now comfortable with him, and I am so relieved by that!  Izzy is finally feeling better since she broke off her nail, and walking normal.  I have had two appointments with my massage therapist, and feeling a little better.  When Izzy injured herself, she didn’t like me trying to look at her foot, and then ended up hurting me.  My hips were hurt when she threw herself back, and ended up losing 30% of my rotation.  It’s going to be ok, just need to work on them.  The only other issue that I am having is the lack of space for me at the house.  I am doing what I can with the space allotted, but I am having to get seriously creative with storage.  I still have many boxes to go through, but no space to put things away.  I wish I did, but just not possible.  Will see what I can do…I am trying to figure a plan, but think I have one formualting…

My cousin, Hilary, got married to her boyfriend of 7 years on the 10th.  I wasn’t sure that I was going to have a good time, but I was surprised that I actually had a lot of fun.  🙂  She was absolutely stunning, glowing, happy…all the things that a bride should be.  There were things that went wrong, of course, but she took them all in stride and laughed at it.  It made things just that much better.  I managed to avoid the usual statement that I make when I see her…”I remember when I changed your diapers, you were so cute…”  But I did say it to my aunt.  HAD to get it out.  LOL!  Anyway, here are some pictures…

The day after the wedding, I woke to disaster.  I thought that I had had a good hold on my emotions, but I was proven wrong.  It started with the fact I only got an hour of sleep after returning from the wedding–I let my “date” (close friend of mine) have my bed and I slept on the couch.  G’pa was up by 6:30a, and I had just managed to fall asleep on the couch.  Since I was up and moving, I decided to go ahead and do a load of laundry.  Apparantly, that was the last straw for the sewer line–it collapsed, and flooded the driveway clean out and both of the bathrooms.  G’pa was very upset, and that was the straw that broke my emotional dam–I stepped outside, called my ex, and sobbed.  Got it under control, and then my parents showed up to try to fix it–and again, I broke down sobbing.  After taking some meds, I calmed down and slept for about an hour.  I was able to better deal with the situations.  They told us it would be fixed by Thursday (today), but now since it is raining it will not be fixed until Saturday or Monday.  I never realized just how much I rely on a sewer line until this happened and everything I need to do relies on it–showers, laundry, dishes, bathroom–it sucks.  And I have to stay there to make sure things are going ok, sign stuff, and answer questions.  Just glad that there are stores nearby and another set of grandparents that are only about 5 miles away.  *sigh*  It is a trial, but I can manage. 

Other than that, just been pouring through case files to try and show the need for a sexual assault advocacy program.  I have joined a SART in Williamson country, and will be doing the same in Hays.  I am very exicted about the program, and going to be working on computerizing my findings as I go.  I have been pretty much putting off all else around the house and in my life to do my research–still need to write out letters to friends about moving, make a few more presents thru knitting, and a few other things.  Like dating.  I am seriously considering it, and actually signed up for an online dating service.  Never done it before, and we will see how it goes. 🙂

Happy New Year to everyone!!!

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Well, last Friday was the big day.  Everyone got to the house right before 7am.  Mom brought donuts and I made coffee.  I was surprised that we had two people that were not expected to help show up, but it was a huge help to have them.  I was so thankful and grateful to have everyone there–a total of 9 of us–to get me packed and moved out.  I wasn’t able to pack anything before hand, so it was just starting from scratch.  We managed to do it in about four and a half hours, which was really surprising to me.  We had to get a larger storage unit, but it worked out.  The downside–where I am now, there is not a lot of space for me yet.  There will be in February when I will begin living alone here (about mid month unless they complete the room faster), but for now, I am pretty cramped.  Which means I had to leave a lot in storage–including the majority of my yarn and looms.  I did keep some out to help with the stress and to finish some of the projects I need to get done.  It is still a huge adjustment, and the dogs are finally beginning to feel a bit more at home.  I know that it is going to take me longer, but thankfully I am on vacation til the first week of January.  I really don’t think I could have done this while I was in school and at work.  It has been an emotional rollercoaster, one that I really want to end.   He hasn’t made it easy by any means, and I guess it is partly my fault since I keep answering his texts.  Eventually–soon–I am going to have to draw the line and tell him to stop. or just stop answering. 

The hardest part has been the boys.  I have had my troubles with my oldest stepson, but it doesn’t mean I don’t love him.  I miss him dearly.  My youngest–well, he doesn’t know yet.  The ex has just told him that I am away for work.  My oldest thinks it is his fault, and I told the ex it is HIS job to reassure him and not let him think that way.  He said he did…and then promptly sent them to their grandmother’s house (his ex’s mother) since I wasn’t going to be there to babysit for the week (he isn’t off til Thursday afternoon).  So far, so good–he hasn’t had them call me.  That I don’t think I could handle.

More things have happened since I left, particuarly on Wednesday.  It isn’t going to be nice anymore–I thought that this could be civil.  Due to the events, I am not going to write too much about them, but it boils down to him about to get into a lot of trouble if he doesn’t stop bothering me and saying things he won’t be able to back up.

However, there have been some wonderful people in the last almost week that have helped immensely with my transition, along with the dogs.  They are happy in the new yard–Izzy discovered her first squirrel, and just wants to play, but the squirrel just threw sticks and stuff at her.  I have never seen my 60lb dog stand on her back legs and walk, but she was so funny when she did it.  🙂  I have found that she is scared of elderly people and doesn’t like one of my uncles.  Trooper is doing better, and actually warming up to people faster than Izzy is–Izzy is usually the really friendly one and has no problem with anyone.  I guess it is just the change.  Hopefully soon things will be back to somewhat normal, and life can go on .

Although limited in my supplies, I did manage to rescue a few of my looming projects from before it was all stored.  I finished a scarf yesterday, and will be working on another today–late Christmas presents.  After I get batteries (and yes, I am thinking about braving the grocery store on Christmas Eve) I will take pictures so I can post.  It is an extremely basic scarf, same and the one I am knitting now, so nothing too major.  The “major” project is working on a bandage, but I keep getting frustrated with the small stitches.  I keep telling myself I need to do it, as it is for charity.  New charity for the new year.

Happy holidays everyone, and hope that you have a wonderful and merry time with your loved ones.  🙂

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Winnie the Pooh has always been one of my absolute favorites.  Many blankets, a few stuffed animals, plenty of clothes…I may be grown, but Pooh has always had a place in my heart.  And I think he said it best…”Oh, bother.”  That can sum up my month.

Many know that for the last four years hubby and I have been trying to have a child together.  He has two of his own, and for the summer is when we get them–we had the youngest for a month, and my oldest SS stayed until yesterday.  At the beginning of July, hubby and I decided that it was time again to go back on fertility meds.  So we did–and I remembered quite quickly the side effects of Clomid.  The hot flashes, mood swings, and the trouble focusing because of the previous two.  This also meant that I had to stop taking my arthritis meds–my arthritis being in my knees and hips.  So walking became an issue, but I was allowed my pain med and muscle relaxer.  That helped, but I am back to using a cane.  A little over a week ago was when we started blood testing, and we were excited since I was late–but all came back negative.  However, progesterone was way up, and the OB wanted an ultrasound to see what was going on.  It was a mortifying experience since there were a few mishaps, but it turned out I had a ruptured cyst, which mimicked the signs of early pregnancy.  This month there will be no Clomid so I can recover (sucks), but still will try.

That in itself had me down, but now I have a new focus…my birthday.  I turn 30 on Tuesday.  Most people–women especially–will understand the slight depression of turning 30.  It is the loss of your 20s…and a time for reflection.  At least to me.  Growing up, most people have a thought of how life will turn out for them.  Me, I had mine planned:
1. Graduating high school
2. Go to college and graduate in 4 years
3. Marry my high school sweetheart
4. Get an awesome job
5. Have my first child
…all by the time I was 26.  Here I am, days from 30…  
1.  I did graduate from high school.  Check! 
2. I went to college–but won’t be graduating until next spring (I hope), so that took 13 years (yes, just for my BA…had a few bumps in the road).
3. My high school sweetheart and I broke up the first year in college, and I had a little bit of a smirk when I found out he married someone who looked like my twin.  🙂  However, I did get married, but at age 26–and to a customer from a bar where I worked–lol!!
4. I did get an awesome job, just accomplished this year (well, kinda last year, but too much to get in to).  Took me almost 10 years, but I was persistent about working for this PD.  Granted I drive 65 miles each way, I am super happy where I am at and thrilled at what I do.
5. Turns out havin kiddos of my own is a bit of a challenge.  But I have made up my mind that now is the time.  Risks for me are already high as it is, so waiting much longer will just make things worse. I do have two great stepsons (when they don’t hate me for having rules), but it’s not the same. 

But with my birthday comes presents–and some come early.  🙂  Hubby was wonderful and ordered me some BEAUTIFUL looms from DA Looms (again, thank you Isela!!  They are perfect!!).  I finally got the Wondersock Loom and an RG 60″ Infinity Rake.  They are perfect!!  I decided to knit myself a pair of birthday socks, and finished them yesterday.  I wanted to finish them last week, but of course I kept getting distracted by other projects–I finished a beanie for a dear friend that is an EMT, and still working on a scarf in a tiled pattern in the gorgeous plum chenille yarn.  Have more sock yarn I want to use, and can’t wait to start again…

My parent’s threw me a birthday party yesterday, and was quite surprised to see that there were so many people that came, including Robert and family from an hour and a half away…it was great.  I was also surprised that I had such a great time.   Here are some birthday highlights:

Anyway, the big day is tomorrow, and I will be enjoying it at work.  🙂

Speaking of…need to get back to it!!

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Once again, I am going to go off of looming for a bit.  My babies are home for 5 weeks, and I am SO happy, but not too happy with their regular home life.  Just letting everyone know, they are my stepsons, although I treat as my own, and they have been through so much my heart aches for them.

I worry for my oldest son, since the divorce was so hard on him.  Every hurtful comment from the mom’s boyfriend (of two years or so) really gets to him.  Now he is scared that if he misbehaves I will leave him, since that was what he was told.  I was LIVID.  NO ONE speaks for me.  Period.  And I unleashed a torrent to her and to her sister about what the boyfriend had said.  I wasn’t about to stand for anyone telling him I might leave, and I never will leave him, no matter what happens between my husband and I.  So they have been warned–if I hear anything whatsoever that might even be a whisper of detrimental speaking on their behalf–talking about me, my husband, or them–I will be all over them like white on rice.  The problem was fixed, he is reassured, and I have two happy little boys right now.  I think that the boyfriend get frustrated because my oldest has a mild form of tourrets syndrome, and so handling him is a bit different than you would a normal child.  Structure is important, and so is counseling.  Since it is mild, we don’t need drugs, at least yet, for what he has.  It is fine as long as no one says anything hurtful for the most part or triggers anxiety or nervousness.  But if it gets to be any worse at that house, I am not going to stand by. 

I know I sound like one of those women who hates the ex and anything that has to do with her.  That’s not true.  We actually do get along to a degree, and I am pretty close with her family (as in I stay at their house, talk on the phone, email, hang out, etc).  I consider them family, they consider me family, and most of the time the conversations end with a “love you.”  We pretty much see eye to eye on how much we dislike the boyfriend, too, so it’s nice to have that support as well.

Ok, on to the good stuff.  We have had a blast so far…been able to go to the pool, hang out and watch movies, play some video and card games.  It’s been really nice having them here, although hectic at times.  And in the spare time, I have been able to get some knitting done.  I am ALMOST finished with the hooded scarf that I am knitting for my mom’s birthday.  I want to get started on several other projects I have running around in my head.  I want to make another hooded scarf, inspired to make some socks, and make a few more brimless hats for my mom.  I want to try to make the pinwheel blanket that I have been itching to make for a few years, especially for the baby my friend just had.  Just seems perfect.  However I can’t figure out the cast on and how to start it…

Anyway, the boys should be home in a minute from the latest swimming expedition.  I need to start getting dinner ready, and maybe get my scarf finished.  Lots to think about, lots to do!!!  Happy daze everyone!!

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Saturday was a great day.  I was SO happy!!  It was my grandparent’s birthdays–my grandmother turned 80 and my grandfather turned 90, and we were celebrating at my parent’s house.  I didn’t finish the blanket that I am making for my grandmother, but I did bring part of it to show her.  She LOVED it!  She is very excited.  I am happy about that; she has Alzheimers disease, and is depressed most of the time.  Any bit of happiness I can bring her just makes it that much better.  We also got to see many family friends that we haven’t seen in quite some time, and the party was a wonderful success.  DH and I even got our taxes done!  But the best (personal) part was that Saturday marked day 1–I start the Clomid on Wednesday!!  Can’t wait!!

The rest of our weekend went well.  We got the house back in order, prepared for the boys coming next weekend, and spent some time together adding a few touches to the house. 

Then today happened.  I woke up feeling awful.  So much pain!!  I took the painkiller that I am allowed to take (the one I would normally take I am no longer allowed to–with us trying to get pg, a lot of the meds I take to regulate pain are no longer options), and crawled onto the couch.  As usual, I called my mom and dad, chatted a bit about why I was up so early.  Then DH calls.  He was crying–something that is WAY abnormal, and really freaked me out.  A friend (his coworker) passed away on Friday due to a massive heart attack–he was only 34.  I can’t believe he’s gone–it breaks my heart to think of it.  The worst news was that he was putting his two little girls to bed when it happened, and they are only 6 and 4.  That poor family…I can’t even imagine what they are going through, and I want to do what I can for them.  He and his family are amazing people.  It still hasn’t quite sunk in yet….

I am just so torn right now…very sad and heart broken for the loss of a friend and the pain that that family is in, and excitement and anticipation for the start of ours.  For now–I am just going to knit.  I can’t think about anything right now…I just don’t want to.

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